but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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