Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
