bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
