you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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