I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
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