Who wears a wallet chain?!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
