your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
