I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
