And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
