why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
