go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
