i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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