Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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