he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
