If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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