Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
