I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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