i think my tv is drunk
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
