It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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