lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
They are going to name an STD after you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
