i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
