I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
