That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
