did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
