im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
