Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
