Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
