If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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