i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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