Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
