someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
