I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
