Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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