This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
