it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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