i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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