Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
