what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
