You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
