some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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