well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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