my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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