I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
