i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i came on her dog
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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