Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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