just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
