im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
