Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
