I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
