seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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