Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
