Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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