I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
